Halo 3: Bloopers
by Assault Godzilla
Summary: I'm back. And this time, I got bloopers: FROM HALO 3!
1. The Beginning

Greetings everybody! Man, when was the last time I wrote something? Anyway, hope you like this update on bloopers in the Halo universe.

* * *

As a wraith mortar was about to hit him, John threw a bubble shield on the ground.

"Why isn't it working?"

_The mortar is about to hit him_

"Oh son of a bi-"

_Gets annihilated._

Director: CUT! Can somebody please tell me WHY it didn't work?

* * *

Tsavo Highway, Earth

The chief escorts a convoy of warthogs to Voi, but they all got annhilated by hostile brute forces. John was the only one left after the conflict, and so he walked alone on the road.

_I walk a lonely road_

_The only one that I've ever known_

_Don't know where it goes_

_but its only me and I walk alone_

Just as the Chief is about to jump a broken path, an LRV horn is honked, it drives up behind him and runs him over and he falls off the bridge.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh man, you hit the Chief!"

"So what? He just got OWND!"

Director: Can someone go get him please?

* * *

_A grunt and a brute captain are seen in a corner_

"Stop molesting me!"

"No! I'll do as I please with you punks!"

Director:...Kill that brute please. I'm gonna hurl.

* * *

"Starry Night, MC activates bubble shield Take 2. And ACTION!"

The Chief throws the device on the ground, and a sphere activates around him. The wraith mortar hits the shield, leaving him unharmed. As the spartan is about to run, he hits the shield like its wall and falls on his back.

"OUCH!"

Director: Seriuosly, what's wrong with this thing?

* * *

_Crow's Nest_

Spartan 117 proceeds to stop the invading Covenant forces in the South Hangar. But he take an enexpected turn and sees an odd event take place. Out side a door was amarine knocking on the door. Yes, it's Tucker without his aqua (or teal) spartan armour.

"Hey, open up!"

"Password please."

Apparently someone on the other side wouldn't open the door. And that would be Doc.

"You gotta be kidding me! What password?"

"The password's for so we don't open for brutes."

"Do I sound like a brute to you?"

"Well you could be held prisoner by brutes."

"If I was held prisoner by brutes and knew the password, then the brutes could just force me to to tell you the password and you'd open the door for them."

Master Chief just stood there like the WTF on his face. That is if you could see what's really going on in his helmet.

"Okay, wellnow I'm definitely not gonna open the door."

"But we need ammo!"

"Well why don't you go ask your brute buddies, then?"

Tucker just kept banging on the door. No response.

"Sucks to be him."

* * *

Well, I hope you folks like it so far. I'm on spring break, so there'll be more chapters. Reviews please!

Master Chief: Don't ask what he's gonna do next. I'd tell you. But then I'd have to kill you.

Arbiter: Why am I not surprised?

Grunt: Why not, Arbiter?

Arbiter: It's sarcasm.

Grunt: Oh. Right.

Me: GET BACK TO YOUR STATIONS PEOPLE!

Everyone: YESSIR!

I swear to God, I see these kind of things too much.


	2. Great More are here

Finally, I got this chapter up! And there's some more bloopers for you people to enjoy!

* * *

"Starry Night Trailer, John uses a buuble shield, take 7. And, ACTION!"

A wraith mortar was about to hit the Master Chief. A few seconds before that happened, he throws down a bubble shield. It activates. and the mortar is blocked, protecting the spartan. He then runs off, grabs the MA5C on his back, and charges off a cliff into a group of brutes.

"THIS. IS. SPARTA."

Those were the words that came out of his mouth. The simian aliens had WTF looks on their faces. The brute chieftan with a hammer stood there cofused. The next thing you know, John, plants his foot on the chieftan's face, takes the gravity hammer, and goes crazy hammer.

Director: Why does this remind me of Super Smash Brothers Brawl?

Marty: Because it came out a while ago.

Frankie: No duh. We should use this as a trailer. The fans would love it.

Marty: R U serious?

Frankie: Yeah. Would you like the take when he planted his foot on the camera and it fades to black?

Marty: Yes.

Director: Screw you guys, I'm using this!

* * *

_Crow's Nest_

Spartan 117, Johnson and the Arbiter come back from their mission, and the Chief is briefed by Commander Keyes. They walk into a control room with many screens, including a really big one.

"Ma'am. I have Lord Hood." said a technician.

"Patch him through." she ordered.

"Good news, Commander Keyes?" the admiral asked.

"As, good as it gets, sir."

"So I see. What's your status, son?"

"Green. Sir." the Chief responded.

"Glad to hear it. The Commander's come up with a good plan. But without you, I wasn't sure we could pull it off."

"Uh, sir?"

"Yes Chief. What is it?"

"Since my armor is kinda banged up from, y'know, faling from space, fighting the Covenant, and Flood, and um-"

"What's your point?"

"Sir. Can I haz recon?"

...Silence...

"Spartan. What the fuck is wrong with you?" the Arbiter asked.

"No Chief. But you can have a cookie."

"Sad face."

"On the bright side-"

**Power goes out**

"Ah hell. Not again!" complained one technician.

"Emergency generators! Now!" Keyes ordered.

"Shielding failed. They're down and charging." a marine techinican responds.

"As soon as they're up, reestablish contact with Lord Hood. Let him know that-"

All of a suuden, the Prophet of Truth appears no all screens.

"And how fucking dare anyone who make fun of Britney. After all she's been through! She loves her aunt, she went through a divorce. SHe had 2 fucking kids, her husband turned out to use her and cheat her and now she's going through her (Something something). All you people care about is readers and making money off of her! SHE'S A HUMAN!! What you don't realize is that Britney is making all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about her. She hasn't performed on stage for years. Her song is called 'Give Me More' for a reason because all you people want is MORE MORE MORE MORE and MORE! LEAVE HER ALONE! You're lucky she ven performed for you, BASTARDS!! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! PLEASE! INSERT CORRECT DIALOGUE talked about her professionalism instead Britney was professional no matter what. Speaking of professionalism, when is it professional to publicly bash someone who's going through all her times?! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! PLEASE! sobs Leave Britney Spears alone right NOW! I mean it. Anyone who has a problem with her, you deal with me beacause ahe's not well right now. more sobbing Basicaly, after almost every sentence he says, Truth cries.

"Cocky bastard. Just loves to run his mouth." says Johnson.

"I want my cookie!"

Commander looks down with an anime sweatdrop.

_Dear God, what the hell is wrong with these people?_

* * *

_Later_

The Chief goes through the base, destined for the South Hangar. He takes a quick stroll around the corner and sees an marine banging on the door.

"Hey, open up!" that was Simmons. Without his cromson armor.

"Password." That was Grif on the other side.

"What?"

"Need the password!"

You gotta be kidding me! What password?"

"Password! They gave it out at the staff meeting 15 minutes ago!"

"Meeting? What meeting?! I was out here!"

"Not supposed to let anyone in without it."

"If the staff meeting just ended, no one outside is gonna know the freakin' password! Now open up! We need ammo and the Chief is out here!"

_Then there was a brief pause_

"Does _he_ know the password?"

"I wasn't at the meeting."

_He wasn't at the meeting either! He said so himself!"_

Simmons just kept banging on the door. He knew Grif was an idiot, so he started shooting the door with his MA5C.

"Reminds me of that other marine. But he's actually doing something. Yeah. Something retarded."

"You say something, Chief?"

"NO!"

"Okay. Nevermind."

* * *

Tha'ts it for now. I'll update soon. And whoever suggested have a stunt double for Miranda's death, I'm doing that.


	3. WTF!

* * *

I'm back and NOT dead.

Halo © Bungie/Microsoft

* * *

_Starry Night Trailer_

The Master Chief sits in the middle of the bubble shield that **STILL **won't deactivate and acts a wall.

"Damn. Why is this even happening to me?"

Elsewhere, a few Covenant scouts have been delpoyed in the area. Fortunately, it's just 2 grunts.

"Oh God. You have got to be kidding me."

The 2 aliens stumble across the 'caged' soldier and poke fun at him.

"Haha! Who stupid now, Demon?"

"Yeah. Have a banana!" And so, the 2nd grunt throws a plasma grenade. Which bounced off. And landed on him.

There was a moment of silence before the unharmed grunt said something.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Is there something on me?"

"Yeah. A spider." Chief answered.

"GET IT OFF!"

"Dude, it's your grenade." his partner said.

"Oh. looks down between his legs and sees the grenade Son a bi-"

**BOOM**

All that was left was a crater of dust.

"Sucks to be him. Wonder where he'll go..." said the Chief as he pondered.

"Me not sure. Grunt heaven?"

"Is there such a place?"

"How should I know? People tell me 'look up Wikipedia' and there's nothing about it!"

"No wonder your kind is the lowest class in the Covenant. You're all uneducated and used as slaves and soldiers."

"..."

"It's true."

"Me wanna go to heaven!" he takes out to plasma grenades, activates him, and waits for his fate until-

(insert lightning sound here)

Rainfall. The water douses out the grenades and the leaves the grunt depressed.

":'( Crying face!"

"Like I said. Sucks to be you"

"Look who's talking, TIN MAN!"

Director: When will this end?

* * *

_The Storm_

The Chief, some facotry workers with M6G pistols and several marines took down the Covenant's Anti-Aircraft Battery with everything they're got. The AA Gun explodes, sending the weapon on top flying down the cliff. The Master Chief and Arbiter stand on the cliff side of the crater on the hill of the recently destroyed anti-aircraft emplacement.

"Hey." Arbiter said to the Chief.

"Yeah?" the Spartan asked.

"You ever wonder why were here?"

"Be specific."

"What do you mean?"

"You know."

"No, I don't Spartan."

"The last 2 people who had a conversation like this got out of control then just went back to normal. So be a bit clearer or I'm leaving!"

"Well, what are we doing on this cliff? Just watching the fight from up here seems boring."

"True. But in the next level,we have to deal with the Flood."

"Why don't we just carpet bomb Voi when they come?"

"Oh dude, the thing's gonna shine now."

As the Forerunner artifact began to activate, it shook the ground, casuing the 2 protaganists to lose their balance. Then the a brgiht light lit up the sky...

"**This** is the way the world ends..." echoed for a while and fade to black

"Well that sucked."

"I know. I hate sitting in the dark!"

* * *

_Tsavo Highway_

We see MC walking on said highway after a fight. All the marines were either: KIA, MIA, or just plain f***ing retarded.

_I walk a lonely road_

_the only one I have ever known_

Battle rifle in hand, he just strolls along and watches several banshees fly overhead. And then he hears a familiar noise.

_Don't know where it goes_

_but it's home to me and I walk alone_

All of a sudden, one messed up warthog comes full force behind the Chief and runs him over. Thus, resulting in his body flying a few more feet then off a the highway bridge.

"Uh guys. What did we hit?" Reynolds asked.

"Dude, maybe it's just another dumbass grunt." one marine said.

"Yeah. We need to put up more of those signs." the Sgt. replied. "Anyway, where's the Chief?"

...

...

"Oh shit."

* * *

That's that for now. Sorry for the **LONG** update. Major writer's block or something. Maybe life? Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.


End file.
